Assertiveness doesn't come naturally to many people. They confuse it with aggression or dominance in the workplace, and fear becoming a hate figure or a pushy individual at work. Unfortunately the latter characteristics are the wrong side of assertiveness, and we've all heard of those who take it too far. There's also a flip side to assertiveness, where people are far too genteel to become assertive.

If you consider yourself to be on this side of the coin, then here are three steps to becoming more assertive at work you might like to try:

1. Expand your comfort zones

You cannot become more assertive unless you push yourself to a new level of discomfort with your own personality. Although this sounds extremely disturbing and scary, we actually do it all the time when we're learning a new skill. The first time you hopped on the saddle of a bike, you expanded your comfort zone by trying something new.

It's the same if you're afraid of water and get in the pool again and again in an attempt to swim. There are three stages of comfort zones - fear, discomfort, and then boredom. Take public speaking for example, the majority of us fear it the first few times we do it. Then we still do it, but we're uncomfortable doing so. If you keep doing it, eventually fear will give way to boredom - it will literally be like riding a bike. It's the same with being more assertive. Try it once a day at first, then twice, then eventually you can integrate it as part of your work persona, or even as part of you as an individual.

2. Try to overcome shyness

Being a naturally shy person will usually hold you back in your path to being more assertive. There is nothing wrong with being shy, in fact it's sometimes a desirable trait, but then again so is being assertive in the workplace! If you're shy, the tendency is to not want to 'bother' people or you are wary of upsetting people. Assertiveness doesn't mean being nasty - that's aggression. You can still be shy but firm.

For example, if you colleague is always late, instead of treading on the side of aggression, which would be a temper tantrum and a severe critique of their timekeeping, you could say "It really makes the working day run a lot better when you're here at the same time as me" and such assertive, positive reinforcement will work better than most other tactics.

3. Practice assertive skills outside work too

If you're trying to be more assertive, don't just restrict yourself to trying out your new skills in the workplace, even if that's the place you intend to use them. If you take your assertiveness skills home too, you can get in extra practice - if you have children, they're great to be assertive to if they misbehave! The more you use your skills, the more it will become more natural and less scary or daunting to be assertive.

Soon, you won't even have to make a conscious effort. If you can keep on treading the line on the right side of assertiveness and not aggression, many aspects of your life will benefit, not just your work life.