Dealing with Difficult People

What is “difficult”? 

5 signs you’re dealing with a difficult person: 

Difficult means different things to different people. The difficult person may be a whiner, always complaining that things aren’t fair or that everyone is against them. Or, they may be the braggart always talking about their achievements (small as they may be) and trying to maintain king-of-the-mountain status. A difficult person may also be the one who’s argumentative and seems to be “triggered” by everything. Whatever your definition, they all have one thing in common, the difficult person creates stress. 

So, how do we deal with these difficult people?First, we need to recognise that the reasons for negative behaviour in anyone are complicated. It’s not a simple, one-size-fits-all explanation. Second, each type of challenging personality will have many nuances. So, as you work to adjust your approach to interacting with them,you’ll need to be flexible and may need to try a few approaches before you get it right. 

Dealing with difficult people or managing challenging relationships takes self-awareness, empathy and a lot of patience! 

Try reflecting on the following questions to help you understand the situations more clearly: 

Notes: 

You and your Identity 

Your Personal Values 

Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. 

They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they'reprobably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to. 

When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life is usually good – you're satisfied and content. But when these don't align with your personal values, that's when things feel... wrong. 

When your values don’t align with the values of another person you work or interact with, it can often feel difficult. Understanding your personal values, and the values of the other person, can be a great strategy for building a stronger relationship and overcoming issues. 

Try listing your hierarchy of values – what are the most important things to you which, if they were taken away, would be detrimental to the way you function and would compromise your passion for living, those things which you hold most dear. 

Read the two examples below and reflect on the differences:  

As you can see, each person has their own set of values. The person who owns the first list might find the person who owns the second somewhat difficult to understand (though values can change. 

The Johari Window 

The Johari Window model is a simple and useful tool for illustrating and improving self-awareness, and mutual understanding between individuals. 

The Johari Window actually represents information - feelings, experience, views, attitudes, skills, intentions, motivation, etc - within or about a person - in relation to their group, from four perspectives. The four Johari Window perspectives are called 'regions' or 'areas' or 'quadrants'. Each of these regions contains and represents the information - feelings, motivation, etc - known about the person, in terms of whether the information is known or unknown by the person, and whether the information is known or unknown by others. 

The Johari Window is a useful tool for evaluating and improving communication with a difficult person, because it encourages self-awareness, sharing and empathy. 

The visuals below demonstrate how to increase the size of the “window” when working with a difficult person an improve communication and relationships. 

Increasing self-awareness: 

Increasing awareness of the other person: 

Try considering the following questions in relation to the Johari Window: