Category: Soft Skills

What Do You Think?

Adopting Resilient Thinking

What’s on your mind right now? When I google ‘thoughts’ the web search says that on average each of us has 45,000 thoughts a day, with 80% being negative.  That’s an avalanche of choices to go down. How do those thoughts affect you? To what degree can they change your mood?

The effects of negative thinking

In the article what happens to the body if I complain? I was shocked to learn that it can lower immune function and creativity, release stress and attract negativity. Can the human mind relearn and change, even reject this state of mind? I whole-heartedly believe it can!

Complaining or negative venting never delivers a worthwhile outcome. Is it easier to point out the negative than think of improvement? If I point out a weakness (obvious or not) does that give me a sense of dominance? And if I do, how will others react to me?

What if we focussed on what is good about a given project or idea, finding the solution (our problem solving training can definitely help!), and moving on in the direction in which we wish to progress?

The Critic

This is the trap of so-called conventional wisdom – a cycle of ‘criticism’. If I present a new idea to 10 people will 9 tell me why it won’t work? Does perfection in modern society mean becoming a master of this avenue of thought? Is being a Critic the height of professional achievement? From Sport, Entertainment, Business, Political – are we to be scrutinised and judged by the well-renowned personality with the job title of Critic?

From business into personal relationships, is the Critic poised at the edge of symptomatic co-dependency? Criticising your partner, even holding them responsible for your value systems. Psychologists would certainly tell you that this is so with suggestions that 90% of us are engaged in this social behaviour pattern.

Resilience and Negative Overload

Becoming centred in your own worth is absolutely crucial for self-esteem and personal resilience. Being able to have a balanced view which says, ‘I can see how this might work’ or, ‘let’s think how to improve this’ is a great place to start. Over-coming the tentacles of depression can indeed start from the belief ‘I am grateful for…’ and an easier step out of negative overload. Meditation is after all a thoughtful dynamic which can lead an emotion into place rather than be led by one. Yes, we can learn change. It starts with mindfulness and the value we put on ourselves.

Food for Thought – Emotional Intelligence

The rabbit holes

The boss sends you an email. I want to see you in the office at 3pm. Do you imagine there is something wonderful about to happen? Is there a hint of caution? The messages we receive can evoke such powerful responses. A statement or an incident and then Bang! Without a map of emotional intelligence we are lost down a mind-field of rabbit holes of confusion and self-doubt.

When I google ‘thoughts’ the resulting search reveals that each of us has 45,000 a day, with 80% being negative. That’s an avalanche of mindless thoughts rife with image baits and emotional snares. The link between action – thought – reaction is a web of reflexes. Conditional responses that have been learned.

The centre of the universe

Reflex answers – is that why it’s easier to respond with negative opinions? If I am on the motorway and a Porsche cuts me off do I have the right to say they did that on purpose? Would that force retaliation? Consider this – I pull the car over only to find the driver upset because they had a distressing phone call and did not see me in the rear vision mirror. Would I still be angry or would I react differently?

How many times do we position ourselves as the catalyst to everything? The traffic jam when I was in a rush to get to work. The queue for tickets because they know I have no time to wait. The guy on the train station whose train is delayed by 30 minutes and turning to me says ‘well of course it is, they knew I had a deadline’. Does our reaction start from an unconscious belief that we are the centre of the universe? Are we that important?

Introducing – the Critic

The trap of so-called conventional wisdom, our default position a repertoire of ‘criticism’. If I present a new idea to 10 people why will 9 tell me why it won’t work? Is status in modern society becoming a master of critical opinion in your field of expertise? From Sport, Entertainment, Business and Politics, the title of Critic is a genuine profession. Maybe the way we influence others needs to be reconsidered?

Is it mis-communication?

Don’t believe me? Try this simple test. See if you can give a compliment without a suspicious look being thrown back. The simple reply should be an obvious ‘thank you’, instead of a ‘Yeah right, what do you want’ which makes you feel weak, needy…  And if I point out a weakness (obvious or not) does that imply a sense of superiority? Am I suggesting that to point out the flaw I am the only one clever enough to see it? And if I state the error or mistake then how will others react to me?

When I was younger and attempting to learn guitar my dad would constantly remind me of how bad I sounded. Years later when I played a CD of my music he was rather impressed. I asked him why he never encouraged me? He looked shocked – but I did. I challenged you to do better every time you played. For a kid this can be confusing.

Let’s try this – together

We send messages between each other in a perpetual rain of innuendo and suggestion. Let’s get rid of the guesswork and aim for better messages. The email – John, good news, would like to meet you in the office at 3pm to discuss the Richter Account. The Porsche – hey is everything okay, you nearly hit me? Good old dad – Son, keep practising you can only get better. Communication skills are not about how much power I can claim from you, it’s how much power I can release in you. How about we try this together, after all we share the same small planet. And none of us are getting out alive.