Assertiveness At Work: It's More Than Just Saying 'no'!

Okay, you - yes, you - stop what you're doing and listen to me. I'm going to tell you exactly what you're to do. You must read this article, thoroughly, reread it, absorb everything that it says and every piece of advice it offers; you must take time to digest and fully understand how it might relate to your life; and then, I insist that you track down other articles that I've written and take the same approach to them. You don't have any choice in the matter, so get going.

Are you going to do what I tell you? Probably not. And let's be honest, I'm not exactly being reasonable in my demands. So perhaps your reaction is simply to say 'no' and move on. It's an understandable reaction, one that can certainly be looked upon as standing up for yourself, holding your ground, asserting yourself and resisting unreasonable demands. However, didn't you pick out this article to read for a reason? Presumably, it will have looked interesting or informative at first glance, and there might well be something worth reading within. Yet that doesn't mean that you have to accede to all my demands, of course it doesn't - and why would anyone think it does?

We all exercise control over our lives away from work, making decisions for our own benefit or that of those around us, standing up for ourselves, resisting demands that are unreasonable or could be expected to leave us in a worse position than when we started. Yet in a work environment, such an approach can be an awful lot harder to maintain: whether it's because of doubts over job security, a desire to impress, intimidation from colleagues or managers, an unmanageable workload or any other cause, standing your ground and staying in control of what you do (and don't do) can be very difficult.

But that's not to say it isn't every bit as important - indeed, it can often be more important than in our personal lives. Being able to assert yourself against unreasonable, detrimental or unrealistic demands can be a great benefit to our own health, removing the excessive and harmful stress that having too much work can bring about, as well as the health of the business, which needs all tasks to be satisfactorily completed and not just piled up on one overwhelmed individual's desk. It's not just a matter of asserting yourself, but of asserting the needs of the organisation.

However, it's easy enough to say that we all ought to be assertive, that we're going to go into work, take no nonsense from anyone, and do what's best for the business and for ourselves. It's also easy to be unsure of what exactly that entails. Of course, it doesn't entail refusing everything that's asked of you - that would make even less sense than taking on every request; rather, the skill is knowing where the line lies between what you should agree to, and what you shouldn't. And it's important to be aware that that line isn't simply a divider between saying yes and saying no - for, although being able to turn down requests is a central tenet of being able to assert yourself, it's every bit as essential to be able to identify elements of work that you would be able to do - and which the organisation would benefit from you doing - even if you still have to say no to the remainder.

Back towards the start of this article, there was an unreasonable demand I made - in jest, I assure you - one aspect of which was entirely sensible and hopefully a little beneficial. By selecting to read this article while discarding the rest of the request, you made a conscious and reasoned decision to separate one part of the demand - the part that could be expected to bring positive results without expecting a great deal of effort from you - from those parts less useful. This is an attitude and an approach that any of us can carry over into the working day.

In order to make such a decision, to stand your ground and separate what you should agree to from what you shouldn't, you'll need to know exactly where it is that you stand. It's essential to be aware of the circumstances of the organisation and/or your department, to be aware of which tasks are to be prioritised and which are less necessary; not only will this knowledge help you to decide what work you'll take on, but it will also greatly strengthen your position when it comes to explaining why you're not going to accept certain requests. Be sure to know your own situation too, what time you have available to take on further tasks, and what work you already have to do; no-one in the organisation will benefit if you take on more than you can do, and key tasks are not done satisfactorily or on time as a result. Finally, understanding just what is being asked of you - what each aspect of the demand will require in terms of time and resources, and what benefit it will bring - allows you to prioritise work, and differentiate between what you should take on and what should be refused.

In all cases, understanding and being able to explain the rationale for your actions makes it so much easier to be assertive, and brings considerably more positive results. At work as in your personal life, the key lies in knowing how much you're able to do, and what can be done that will make the best use of your effort. Even if asserting yourself at work might create the potential for unwanted conflict, you can approach such disagreement with the skills to produce the ideal solution for yourself and for the organisation as a whole.