How To Accept The Things We Cannot Change
The ability to manage our own stress levels is a wonderful thing, but we need to approach it with realistic aims. It is extremely helpful to acknowledge straight away that some sources of stress in our lives are unavoidable – for example, economic downturns or the loss of a family member.
Sometimes, the best way to manage your stress levels is to simply accept things as they are. This might not sound easy, but in the long term, it will be easier than trying to fight something that you can’t do anything about.
But how can we do this? In this article, we will explore approaches for managing stress using a technique called the “circles of influence.”
Circles of Concern and Circles of Influence
In a nutshell, don’t try to control the uncontrollable! Many stressful things in life are totally beyond our control, so why waste our time and energy letting them get to us?
Much better to focus on the things we can do something about! In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey explained the concept of Circles of Concern and Circles of Influence.
We all have concerns in our lives, either at work or at home. Where do we keep them? In our very own circle of concern.
Some of these concerns are totally beyond our control and we can do absolutely nothing about them. However, if we look closely enough at our circle of concern, there will be some concerns which we can do something about – if we want to!
All we need is determination and a bit of blood, sweat and tears. These concerns, which can be reduced or even eliminated, live in a smaller circle within the circle of concern – it’s called the circle of influence.
The question is, where do you choose to focus your time and energy? Some people choose to spend their time in the circle of concern, endlessly complaining about concerns about which they can do absolutely nothing.
Covey calls them ‘reactive’ people.
They have created a trough of self-pity for themselves, in which they love to wallow. They claim to be victims and blame everyone else – you did this to me, it’s not my fault! They ignore the concerns they could act upon and their circle of influence gets smaller.
He also identifies ‘proactive’ people, those who focus their time and energy in their circle of influence, dealing with the concerns they can do something about and changing their lives for the better. Then, having dealt with their immediate concerns, they take another look at the concerns which they previously thought were insurmountable.
They ask around, gathering advice and knowledge – perhaps someone else has fixed a similar problem before? If so, how – and if they can do it, so can I! Their positive energy and attitude causes their circle of influence to expand outwards, consuming the circle of concern.
Conclusion
We should all be trying to manage our stress levels, but at the same time we have to be realistic about what we can achieve. The Circles of Concern and Influence show us that some concerns are beyond our control, so it would be pointless to waste our time and energy on them.
Accept them for what they are – the world will keep turning no matter what you do!
Far better to focus on dealing with the concerns you can do something about – a much more productive way to reduce your stress levels!
A final thought.
If you have a concern, and you can do nothing about it, then why is it a concern? You can lay in bed at night, wide awake, staring at the ceiling and panicking, or you can get a good night’s sleep and wake up refreshed and ready to take on the world – the concern will still be there waiting for you!