Let’s talk about ways to resolve conflict, real techniques that you can use in your professional life.
Typically, we look at the problem of conflict being a result of miscommunication. Maybe there wasn’t a clear understanding of what is important to the other person, and this can include respect, time frames, seniority, budget constraints – just to name a few. But how do we resolve conflict effectively, without causing more upset?
So, let’s have a look at five ideas to help you resolve conflict.
Lose the ego – forget about being right. Standing your ground is useless if the other person withdraws completely, then you become a lonely figure.
Go back to common ground – what you share. Focus on the problem, not the person. Actively listen and give options, lots of them.
How do you feel – angry or anxious? Be honest and reflect exactly how the situation has left you emotionally. The way you reflect is key. Then take a step back from the overwhelming emotion and see the situation for what it is. The big picture if you like.
Focus on the resolutions and then look at options for collaboration, using positive language to voice solutions. Remember if you feel ‘heated’ then withdraw and ask for time to consider.
Collaboration – turning the problem into an opportunity to build and strengthen the working relationship. Sometimes conflict can raise issues that were unknown and in so doing become a unique catalyst for long-term partnerships.
Misunderstandings will happen, however once they are known they establish better dialogues. And more importantly, can be used as common ground for future discussions. There is nothing in the world like resolving a conflict together, and that platform has built friendships that have lasted lifetimes.
Avoid using these sentences – “this is what you said”, “this is what you did.” When recalling emotionally charged exchanges our memory can be inaccurate. The power of assumption can be affected by another’s suggested tone of voice or implied attitude.
Focus on the issue at hand. Use statements like ‘I feel’ rather than ‘you said’ and ensure the direction is continually moved forward to solving the problem not condemning the person.
What did we learn – the takeaways and the new things discovered. Reviewing breakdowns between partnerships and the source of misunderstanding can help build knowledge for all members of the team.
Having open discussions of what went well, what was learned, and what actions helped resolve the issue can greatly add to the future of relationships. This is the opportunity to revisit the indicators that were there like red flags, and the initial warnings of what was happening. There are lessons to be learned.
The power of a conflict separates people.
Just the very idea of a clash can have people running for the hills, yet there are real opportunities to turn a problem into a win. It’s all about attitude. The art of a great Statesman is to use confrontation to build stronger bridges and ties.