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So what\u2019s the problem?<\/strong><\/p>\n Once people realise you are passive, they will take advantage of your good nature. They will know they can dump work on you and you won\u2019t fight back or even question it. They will get used to hearing \u2018Ok, no problem. Leave it there and I\u2019ll do it later\u2019. But you end up with the in-tray from hell and you never get to go home on time! You will also get very stressed and will begin to suffer.<\/p>\n Your self-esteem and dignity will be around your ankles and you won\u2019t like yourself very much. As a trainer, I have delivered many stress management<\/a> and assertiveness training<\/a> sessions and the vast majority of attendees are passive and need help! Also, what people don\u2019t realise is that every time they take advantage of your passive nature, they are adding to the frustration which is accumulating inside you, and you will reach a point where you can take no more.<\/p>\n You will lose control and explode with rage, and once the outburst is over, you will feel utterly ashamed and full of regret. This is where the expression \u2018it\u2019s always the quiet ones\u2019 comes from.<\/p>\n The answer is: learn to be more assertive<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n If the prospect of saying \u2018no\u2019 fills you with terror, then don\u2019t say it \u2013 negotiate instead! Assertive people don\u2019t say no unless they absolutely have no alternative, and even then it\u2019s a \u2018no, because\u2026\u2019 Always support the \u2018no\u2019 with the reasons behind it, so people can understand. Honesty is always the best policy, so let\u2019s not make promises we know we cannot keep just to make people happy \u2013 it will come back to haunt you later!<\/p>\n Empathy<\/strong> is a useful technique to use at the beginning, for example \u2018I understand that you need this doing by 4pm today, however with my current workload<\/a>..\u2019 or \u2018I know this isn\u2019t what you want to hear, but it won\u2019t be possible\u2026\u2019 Next, offer options and alternatives for them to consider, for example \u2018I understand you need me to work late tonight, but I cannot. However, I\u2019m happy to come in early tomorrow morning if that helps\u2019 or \u2018it won\u2019t be possible to finish this by 4pm, but I can have it ready by 5pm\u2019.<\/p>\n The key message here is that I want to help, but what you\u2019re asking just isn\u2019t possible. But I can do this, or this \u2013 which one would you like?<\/p>\n Consider this: nobody is saying \u2018no\u2019 \u2013 we\u2019re just agreeing on a different \u2018yes\u2019! A \u2018yes\u2019 that is acceptable to both parties. You can say no to now, but yes to later. In the end, everyone wins \u2013 we just need to agree on the running order!<\/p>\n